My guest today is Sue Semeniw, the President and lead “Love Coach,” for Divine Intervention Matchmaking - THE best dating service in Vancouver, Canada according to Consumer’s Choice.
Sue founded Divine Intervention over 15 years ago. And her 70% success rate is a testament to her passion for for connecting and helping others.
I invited Sue to be a guest on my show to talk about personal branding and how important it is in the dating world. I wanted to know how having a strong brand gives you an advantage over your competition. And I was curious to get her valuable tips on how to create a personal brand story to help you put your best face forward.
💥IF YOU WANT HELP GETTING YOUR CLIENTS TO FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR BRAND, REACH OUT TO ME ON SOCIAL AT BRANDING_BADASS OR EMAIL ME AT JGOODSON@GENUMARK.COM
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Hi, I'm Joellt, your Branding Badass, and welcome to season two of Branding Matters. My guest today is Sue Semeniw, the President and Lead Love Coach for Divine Intervention Matchmaking - THE best dating service in Vancouver, Canada. According to Consumer Choice, Sue founded Divine Intervention over 15 years ago. And her 70% success rate is a testament to her passion for connecting and helping others. I invited Sue to be a guest on my show to talk about personal branding, and how important it is in the dating world. I wanted to know how having a strong brand gives someone an advantage over their competition. And I was curious to hear her valuable tips on how to create a personal brand story to help you put your best face forward. I also want to mention that Sue is a really dear old friend of mine, and I am so excited to have her here with us today. Sue, welcome to Branding Matters.Sue Semeniw:
Thank you, Julie. So nice to see you. And thanks for having me.Joelly Goodson :
It's great to see you. It's been a while. I mean, we've talked on the phone and we see each other on social media. But I don't think we've actually seen each other face to face for quite a long time. Aa few years back in Calgary. And for those that don't know, Joelly and I go way back to our days in Montreal when we were still young and impressionable. So we have a long standing history and I just love what you've done all around and all of your business endeavors. So kudos to you Joelly. Well, you're so sweet. We're still young and impressionable.Sue Semeniw:
We certainly are.Joelly Goodson :
You know what, it's funny you say that I was gonna actually just give a little background for people who are listening who don't know us. We do go way back. We were together back in Montreal at a place called case hurrah, which was the best place of a summer job. We were both waitressing. I was trying to think what year that was because I think that was in the summer when I was in university. So I'm thinking like 1989 Is that fair to say? I think and also I worked somewhere else before. And we also had that John Abbott connection to the party hardy and studying, which we turned in parlayed into our waitressing and I think that's probably the best laying of groundwork for future success dealing with people is working in the service industry. Oh my god. It's so funny. You say that when people ask me all the time, what was my first sales job? I say waitressing or bartending for sure. And tips was our commission, right. I mean, yeah, I agree with you. Totally. So anyway, backSue Semeniw:
Out of everyone, you me and Linda.Joelly Goodson :
Well, we were on a mission. But anyway, that was a lot of fun. I can't believe how many years ago that was. And here we are now still connected. And you're in Vancouver and I'm in Calgary. I'm crazy how life is. So thanks for being here today. I really appreciate this gonna be a fun interview. It's a little bit different than what I've done in the past. But I like to shake things up and have a you know, when I started this podcast, I like to have leaders from all different industries from all over the world. So I mean, matchmaking is a huge industry and it's popular and I can't wait to dig in. So before I get into I want to know because I actually don't know this is what did you take in university?Sue Semeniw:
So initially, I wanted to be a psychiatrist. So I was studying sciences and a lot of psychology and I'm like, This is not for me.Joelly Goodson :
Where did you go to school?Sue Semeniw:
ConcordiaJoelly Goodson :
Okay, so initially studying to be a psychiatrist. I realized it wasn't for me, I don't like hospitals. But the counseling part was easy. And then I studied commerce with a major in marketing.Joelly Goodson :
So then what was your first job at a school other than working at Quai Sera? In the beverage alcohol business, so when natural parlay from waitressing and then marketing, so sales in Alberta in the beverage, alcohol business, and our parent company was Jim Beam American brands. And that was like such a great job to be in. So I did sales and marketing there. I did not know that. Okay, and so then how did you make the switch to what you're doing now into matchmaking. So I've always had a corporate job after that sales and marketing like you were very similar so that I was in the media business and then I was consulting to smaller VSC type companies, the Vancouver Stock Exchange, I had a partner thought I was gonna make millions on all of my stock options and in there to make a lot of money and then realize after a few years, that wasn't for me, I wasn't happy and what made me do the switch was after having kids and reflecting after are second and wanting more flexibility and not being tied to the corporate side. I didn't know that initially. I just basically made this switch while talking to my friends saying what am I really good at doing? Everyone says you're such an amazing connector. I would always find someone a job or I would find them a partner. And it always came back to people so I started listening and researching industries that could help me do that. I was actually looking at recruiting as well. That was another thing and then this just came up I did some research and I was like, this could be very awkward. To mystic, so talk to different people in this space. And I didn't initially want to start my own business. But after researching what was in the marketplace, I thought there was an opportunity. One thing I will always love is people, I find them extraordinarily fascinating. I love their stories, what you see is not what you get, I've learned never to make assumptions. People are so surprising. So it always is a thrill to be able to help people and have them open up. And you know, I feel touched, and I feel rewarded when someone even like cries in front of me, to me that shows vulnerability. It's a release and that connection, and not doing anything else. I'm always open to any opportunities. I just know for myself, what makes me happy, and it's helping others whether this is going to be for the rest of my business career or not. 15 years is a long time in Jolie. Some days, I still ask for strength and help. Because there's a lot of pressure from people. It's a really weird time. Now with COVID. Like a lot of people have trigger factors. They're stressed about business, they're stressed about their family, there's a lot of pressures, and people put pressure on someone who's close to them. And this is a personal business, it's not regular business, I can't go home and do my marketing thing or my sales thing and then call it a day and just close the book. I mean, this is really impacting people's feelings, their thoughts, and it's a different feeling. So it's a challenging business. I'm gonna say it's one of the hardest jobs I've ever done. Wow, that's amazing. Thinking back now, you said you want to be a psychiatrist, you kind of are in a way, right? Yeah, yeah. I mean, absolutely. So it's funny, you know, it's like people ask me all the time if I have a marketing degree or business degree and a nice tight psychology, and it's like, but you pick up any business book or any sales book, whether it's Stephen Covey or Dale Carnegie, and it's Psych. 101, right. I mean, it's crazy. So yeah, I get that. Let me ask you. We're living in a real digital world right now. I mean, you and I, here, we're doing zoom face to face. So who should use a matchmaker versus who should go online? Because there's so much out there between, you know, all the different apps and websites for online dating. So why would someone go to a matchmaker versus going online? For anything proactive Canadians are very online savvy, I wish I was Miss Bumble worth over 4 billion. Online is a resource or a tool, people should come to a matchmaker if what they're doing isn't working. And I actually encourage someone, even when they come to us to operate on all cylinders, because you can meet someone on an aeroplane, you can meet them squeezing a cantaloupe at Safeway, at the gym. So you need to be proactive, whatever that looks like people come to a matchmaker when they don't have time. They don't want to do all the pre screening all the pre qualifying, I say we go on all the coffee dates, so you don't have to, that's number one. So a good Matchmaker is going to pre screen prequalify vet stuff out. And we save you time because we get answers in our questioning that might take you a few months to figure out. And we also have to verify that what you see is what you get, I think another reason to come to a matchmaker is if you're not getting the results that you want, like a lot of people repeat the same behavioral patterns, they attract the same type of person, they may be a wrong picture of someone. Another reason to come is you have a life change. You know, whether it's a divorce or a death, or you've changed a job, you're in a new city, we're there to jumpstart your love life, it's like going to a personal trainer, you know this, I mean, you're motivated every day to go to the gym. Some people are not or they're in a rut. So what happens is an expert will refine and be a catalyst in this particular area, like your love life, even like going to an interior decorator, whatever. So you're outsourcing to someone else who has your back and has insights that you necessarily don't have. And to be honest, a lot of people are super delusional, which is great. I really directly love the tough love. Another reason to come to a matchmaker too, is people need feedback and coaching. Everyone might not think they need coaching, but miscommunication misunderstandings. They happen all the time. And so someone can come help navigate the communication component. And another reason to for a matchmaker is safety, security. You know, we validate who the person is, you might check their personal references, you know, what you see is what you get, you're not using a photo from 25 years ago, you know, no, catfishing the person wants a relationship. And I think another reason too, is we see potential in people like we're intuitive. I know you have this too. So you may be talking to someone you're like, Oh, I see these two people together. You know, that's how I would do it before for fun, like people save some things and your brain starts thinking about who's a good fit. And also, we are confidential and discrete. Someone who can be direct with you and tough love and present you with curated possibilities. That's great. You know, it's funny because I don't know if I've told this to you before, I think in my other life If I would want to be a matchmaker because I'm like you, I love connecting people, I love people. And I actually have a really good friend of mine and her husband and I introduced them. And they're, they've been married now, I think for almost 20 years. So the reason I wanted to bring you on today is because I want to talk about personal branding, because personal branding is always about putting your best face forward in the world. And so what I'm hearing from you is you actually help people do that. So what are some things that you do? Can you share with us some things that you do to help your clients put their best face forward, people have no clue on how to best position themselves and these are in successful business people sometimes I'm really shocked. And women can attest to this as well. We're all different, but it's all about maximizing your best features and your best assets. You know, for women invest in good photos. I mean, men are extremely visual, they can't change the way that they are so and you can't change the way that you look but don't look very blah. So a lot of corporate people love beige, gray, black wear something that makes you pop visually, so everyone has a color that makes you I think pop you're wearing one right now whenever you go in someone's like, Oh my God, oh, he looks so great today. So photos are really important. We help style themselves to we work with stylists make sure they have a great date outfit, because someone can be great in the boardroom. And then when I hear that they were you know, crocs with socks or sandals, or Ill fitted pants because women analyze everything. That's a bit of a shocker. And I think it's really important too, for business women not to neutralize their femininity. Our femininity, is what makes us fabulous, enhance that. Don't try to neutralize it. And don't try to downplay that, to me. That's powerful. You know, if you're outdoorsy, take a natural shot outdoors, don't overdo the filters. You know, women need to wear a little bit more makeup to pop and men need to wear something that they feel comfortable. And it all starts with comfort. And I can't say enough about smiling for women. Studies show that a woman who's smiling is much more captivating and enticing. And for men, not as much we like a stronger kind of look. And studies have been taken over time to just on photos. And the Smiling is key for women for sure. And black and white photos also are distinctive, like distinction makes you pop. So you want something that is arresting and that captivates. And then in terms of the positioning the best face forward, put some effort into writing a profile, you mean that's what we do to it doesn't have to be a novel, the way that you write about yourself is super important. Because women are looking for fault finders, we're looking for reasons to dismiss. So with someone with bad grammar, who doesn't know how to communicate, we're gonna vote them off the island prematurely. When someone doesn't know you, they don't know what they're missing. So you want to really create something that's enticing, and it doesn't have to be long either. Women sometimes send me their profile, they're writing me a novel. I'm like, the guy's brain isn't going that way. You know, it can be shorter and succinct. I also think it's really important. Don't reveal everything about yourself to like a lot of people and we refer back to women, again, can be forensic investigators like Mrs. Google Online. So a couple things make sure that you always check your digital footprint drinking photos at parties clothes off, you know, bikinis, Fort Lauderdale Gone Wild Jolie, we know about the hat. That was in the olden days, but we Thanks god we didn't have social media when we were young, right?Sue Semeniw:
I know exactly.You really have to watch what you say, and how you position yourself because people are checking. But I also think to in our case, you know, confidentiality and discretion is key. I don't give out last names. I'll even change someone's first name. And I won't give out a lot of specifics because I want someone to go in with an open mind. Because it's very easy in branding, to have a preconceived idea about someone that is really inaccurate. And what's really amazing about people is how surprising they are even when interviewing for jobs. You know, you have the resume in front of you. Someone walks into you know, they're not right for your corporate culture, that's just like dating, you know, you have to have a fit that way. And I also think too, in terms of your best face forward, don't be afraid to highlight your best attributes. Don't be modest, but there's a fine line. Don't be arrogant, don't be cocky, but they the best qualities that you have.Joelly Goodson :
So when I think about matchmaker other than you I automatically think about the Millionaire Matchmaker. Yeah, I mean, I don't know if you ever watch that show. That was a great show. So I did and we got cast for similar show like that in Canada. It just never went to air we did the pilot and stuff like that so amazing. Because when I think about who her clientele was and how the process is that similar to a same thing that you do as well, so we scout everywhere, it can take five minutes to match someone up or it could take longer, you know, you always want to hedge your bets. So We may advertise, we use online scouting, we paste people off, we go to service people, I incent them to go out and find stuff. So it is similar like she was doing casting calls for the women to come in. It was primarily men. But we do deal with men and women as well. Women always want parity. So no matter what we have, we want the guy to be the same or more than us. And then just in terms of branding, I think it's really important, again, not to make assumptions because there's going to be new trends in dating, we're going to see more mixed unions more white collar with blue collar pairings. It's just a question of supply and demand economics. So people fill out a profile, we reposition them, we get their photos, we set up all the dates, or we navigate somehow, depending on the situation. Also with dating, it's so important that you have to make time to date. Like everyone's like so busy, and just even getting to that point, people don't prioritize that time. And it's like super irritating. I'm always happy to have anyone come in who's looking for love. And obviously it's a business clients always come first. I love that. You know, we were talking briefly about you were talking about personal branding. And then part of personal branding is creating a brand story right, which I think you have a big part when you're helping someone create a brand story. It's important when you're creating a brand story to think about these few areas. So appearance, you mentioned personality competencies and differentiation. Those are very similar as in business to like you said, when you're looking for a job based on the sexes, I'm curious, how would you rank those from a woman's perspective? And then how would you rank those from a man's perspective as far as importance goes, okay. The bottom line is Joelly, when you don't know someone, your personality is not jumping out at you. So we are very visual superficial beings. And we the number one thing that I hear is I look 10 Years Younger over the age of 40, like consistently 10 years younger than 20 years younger. It's primarily women, but men say it to men and women. When you don't know someone, I used to not show photos, we do show photos. Now, men can take ridiculously bad photos. And it's like pulling teeth to even get a photo from them why? They just don't women plays we've always been, I guess, valued and weighed in on our appearance. You know, you're such a beautiful girl. This is ingrained in certain things too, right? Since we were little and a lot of girls have social media issues as well, because the appearance is always reinforced. And men can go away and their appearance is not as important to them. They're not typically in hair and makeup. There's always exceptions or whatever. But what I'm saying is, women have been learned at an early age, you know, to take care of themselves and grooming and the styling. And we take photos with our girlfriends, we take selfies for the most part, women take photos in group like men don't typically do that as much. But appearance when someone doesn't know you is very, very important. And men make a visual judgment. Subconsciously, their brains are different on how they're hardwired. It's actually 1/5 of a second when they meet someone in person going, Oh, I think I could sleep with this person or not. But that's when your personality point number two rises to the top. So personality is so important. I'm going to say still, you know, women might say personality first over appearance, but for men 99.9% of the time, that's going to be apparent. I just want to stop you right there living in the world that we're living in today and filters and everything that's on you know, when you talk about selfies. How do you feel about that? Because that is a topic that you hear a lot about people talk about who cares what you look like, it's what's inside that counts? Yeah,Unknown:
Personality is super important. But when someone doesn't know you, they don't know what they're missing that line. That's a good line. Yeah. So that's really important. You want to maximize your love for your presentation. We're not all supermodels, there's an expression, you know, we thinking we're at eight looking for a test. Like that's the dilution on this. So how do I handle that? Like, I'm really direct, and I actually am a little bit dismayed on humanity going forward. I think that online dating has created a lot of this dismissive culture, like we're so quick to dismiss, and say, no, no, no swipe, there's another person there. And it's always the bigger, better deal. And my thing is, you got to actually take a step back, you know, there's the paradox of choice as well, too much selection is overwhelming. And they've actually done studies like after about nine introductions, like try to focus on one person. So I think it's really important going forward that people look beyond that. And I do think that some people just don't know how to position themselves and we are so much more and that's why the personality and how you try to convey that is so important in your profile, unless you're doing like a Zoom video date, something like that. So personality is definitely key and not everyone's an extrovert, like there's the mix of the two. I really want people and humanity going forward to give people a chance and not be so dismissive. And I think the art of communication is getting lost with our younger generation. And that's why I'm like phones away at the dinner table. You need to have a conversation all of the old fashioned stuff Now that we know people skills, communication, conflict resolution is a huge thing in relationships, you better know how to communicate and deal with conflict, because conflict and compromise are some of the most important skills for going forward competencies, what you're good at and your expertise that's really important in terms of what you bring to the table in a relationship. You know, you want to be flexible, you want to be resilient, whatever those words are like, it shows that you have a commitment to making a relationship work because relationships doli, you know, this, they take work, whether it's with your friends, or your kids or your partner, build upon your competencies and highlight those and are natural doers and fixers, they love to fix things, women can ruminate a little bit more. So for the guys talk about how you're forward thinking you're analytical, you know, you want to know that your partner has your back on both sides, women are very nurturing, like being a mother, to me is a very positive thing. Whether it's a mother to animals or a mother to kids, we're natural nurturers, and men do value that I mean, teachers and nurses are still some of the top profession that men look for in dating, because they don't necessarily want an alpha, just make sure if you are in a high powered position as a woman that you bring that other side as well to the table and highlight your skills like what are you good at, you know, those common things potentially, that you want to get into into another partner? You know, Are you determined? Do you have great self confidence? Confidence is so important. And differentiation, sometimes people are not that objective. So go back to who really knows you like, go to your top five friends, go to your co workers go to your family members, who's gonna be objective, and say, what makes me different and unique.Joelly Goodson :
That's great advice. I love that. You know, authenticity is really important in all facets of branding, whether it's your corporate branding, or your personal brand, how does somebody stay authentic to who they are? And they're going on their first day? How are they authentic and being their authentic self without sharing too much? Do you have any advice for that? Or what's your take on that?Unknown:
Well, there's a couple things. So there is definitely crossover. So in terms of the authenticity, that's where the profile comes in. So we ask a lot of in depth question, I will ask someone to clarify something more. So the profile really helps in terms of authenticity, and also how you position that person. And stories are great. But the interesting thing is we crave intimacy with another human. And familiarity breeds relationship. Like think about our girlfriends that we've known, you know, for our whole lives, you and I both have long standing relationships with people. And that's another bonus to put in a profile too. If you have long standing friends, you know, you've been in the career for a long time, it shows that you have stick with fitness that's all really positive, like the positive spin, and you value relationships, and you make things work. So you want that type of person who's a secure person to attract. But the intimacy thing is we want to be our authentic selves, but they don't know you yet. So we're looking for reasons to dismiss. There's timelines in a relationship like one month, three months, six months, a lot of relationships break up at 12 months or just before you have to be slow to reveal you want to create some mystery, and you don't want to verbalize you know, verbal diarrhea. You know, your date with a guy is not your girlfriend. So, you want to be authentically yourself by talking about things that you like to do, but you want to share the positive hold the negative till later. It's like same thing I'm going to say Julie's like going on a job interview, you know, the question, no, you know, what's your weakness? Well, I can say, my weaknesses. I know I'm impatient, but you can turn that into a positive. So I've learned that I have to wait for certain things to happen. You might have to ask for other help or recognize it someone else is on a different timeline. So you need to always spin things, anything negative, crazy family members. Stay away from past relationships, even stay away from dating. So your authentic self will come through when you start having a conversation over time. But be slow on the reveal. Don't reveal your deepest darkest secrets until you have a connection with something and even then you don't have to tell your partner absolutely everything about your thought process. So it is a fine line to me it's always about staying away from negative bad history things you're unhappy with like you want to date and be in a relationship with someone who's positive allJoelly Goodson :
What if there not what is reality is there's the ears of the world that just are not positive people so they want love to so they go out and they go on a first date and they're all like, you know, happy go sunshine and everything's great, but they're not really being their authentic self. So what would you say if someone came to you, like I said, and they were just a negative personality and but they wanted to find love. People need to help themselves. We're not God, right? So change your attitude, change your life. That's why your friends are around to kick your butt to get you motivated in the right direction. But gratitude to me is like what's the best thing that happened to you today? Like if you're having a bad day or a bad month or a bad six months, you need to look for the good every single day. Everything is perspective. And all of the gurus talk about perspective. And this too shall pass. Just because you're having a crap moment, it doesn't mean it's going to last indefinitely. And if you want to move forward, you need to put one foot in front of the other, its many wins, you don't have to hit a home run. But that's being proactive. No one wants to be with someone who's going to zap their energy, like an energy vampire. If I'm going out for drinks with my girlfriends, I want to be with someone that makes me feel good. And that feels positive. So if you're going to go out on a date, you better not happy go lucky sunshine. But you know, talk about what's the best thing that happened to you today. You know, what was unique about your job today, change your shift and your attitude. Because the reality is we want to be with someone who makes us feel good. And you navigate the ups and downs, and relationships take a lot of work. But in the beginning, relationships are tenuous. So people are looking for reasons to dismiss, if you and I went out now and you did something totally crazy, you know, maybe one of us had too much to drink or whatever. If I didn't know you and I just met you, that would be a negative if you got super wound or I got good, or it was like whoa, you know, go crazy. But when I know you're making a joke, he's just letting off some steam. So you want to reveal that authenticity and personalities do come forward. And let's say there's an introvert and an extrovert. That's why you have to have some good questions to draw the other person out. And being inauthentic is actually quite frankly, exhausting. In the beginning, it's all about positioning. And if I talk to someone who's really negative, like I'm coaching a bunch of people right now, their high level executives, I crush every single one of their negative interpretations on that and then flip the narrative and say, think about this another way, you know, this part of my life isn't going while and I'm like, Okay, well, here are five proactive things have you thought about doing this 1% 2% shift in your attitudes and your behaviors creates a momentum, that just compounds and it just changes things over time. But you have to change and I call it a mini win build on the mini wins, and those many wins are going to help create a better solution to whatever is going on in your life at that point. I love that. But a lot of things you're saying can be transferable to the business world. It's all about mindset. So you mentioned briefly about you talked about opposites. What's your take on opposites? do opposites attract? Do they complement each other? Or is it like oil and vinegar? It depends. I mean, we're all like snowflakes, totally. So the one thing I'm going to Snowflake like a term for the millennials, isn't that what they call them snowflakes?Unknown:
We're all unique and different, right? So the only thing I can say that I think anything is possible. I always say Never Say Never don't make assumptions. And at the end of the day, we're actually about energy. That's why I'm saying you want to meet someone because you can be in a business meeting and you just connect with someone energy draws you in like someone else. That's the chemistry that you see in person always give someone a chance. So yes, opposite can attract. I'm extroverted. Could I be with someone who's super introverted? Probably not like some people come to me and say, you know, I'm super quiet. And I want someone who's gregarious. Well, an extrovert wants to go and talk to a lot of people. So there's degrees, there's always nuances with things, you can't get everything from one person, you have to be happy with yourself. So you want to have some overlap. Remember, in math class, that concentric circles, there's two circles, and then there's a part in the middle that's kind of common, so you want to look for common values and common interests. Someone tells me they want a skier, that's BlackDiamond, who's going to be a marathon runner, and all of these other things. I'm like, Okay, well, are you looking for a personal trainer? Are you looking for a partner? So yes, you have to have some interests, like you want to be with someone that you like, as a human being has sex and all that's gonna wear off over time. But opposites can attract. But we also like people that are similar to us. So even if you are opposite, you can still connect on something common. I always say try to establish common ground from the beginning, you and I could meet someone from Montreal, we'd have a great time chatting with them. That's our common ground. Or someone else who worked in the hospitality industry, or someone who's really into fitness, so they can be opposite to you. But there's a common element that binds you could be that someone's a Scorpio like you because you're a unique breed. Do you know what I mean? So when I connect with someone randomly, the first thing I do is I do a quick scan and I authentically comment on something I like about them and that's like an icebreaker to initiate a conversation. But that's a common thing like all this, you know, our I have the same thing.Joelly Goodson :
So it's interesting. So my parents were married 30 I think 33 years before my dad died and they were total opposites. You know, my dad was a very conservative look and I say looking but very conservative looking businessman always he you know, he was like Don Draper always had the had very coughed and you know, I don't think ever heard him swear and massacred like just very, very concerned. Looking at my mom was like the crazy artist right? And just like, and my, my dad was ridiculously neat, like everything was had its place and everything was in its place. And my mom, it was chaos. She was an artist and everything. And yet it worked. And they were married for, like I said, until he died. And I think they had a very passionate relationship. And so and so that's why I was just asking about opposites. I think you're right, I think it's finding that values, I think they both valued family was really important when there were certain things that they had in common. So the next thing I want to talk about that you touched on too, is let's just talk about the elephant in the room sex. You know, you talked about revealing slowly. So is there a rule about when you should have sex when you first start dating someone? Does age matter? Does demographics matter? Like I'm really curious to know your opinion about this.Sue Semeniw:
In terms of the reveal, it's a fact women always say, oh, you know, men aren't romantic men are actually more romantic than women. And the way that they bond to women as well is through the sexual component. Like that helps to release a lot of chemicals in our brain and bond them to us differently. I think you want to feel comfortable with the person as well. You know, anything can work. I know people that have broken every single rule and they're still together.Joelly Goodson :
When you say broken every single rule. What do you mean? never have sex on the first date Well, that's what I was wondering, is that, is that a rule? Like, should you or shouldn't you? Well, for the most part, I'm going to say no, but it still can work. I mean, I'm all for kissing. To me kissing is hot. And on the first date kissing is okay. And when you say kissing, like making out?Sue Semeniw:
I see it work on the first date It's okay.Unknown:
You want to keep the first day short. For the most part. Because that's when oversharing happens. You know, you can have too many cocktails. What do you consider short? I think an hour it's fine. Like some people Oh, wow. I always say leave someone wanting more. It's all about safety. Do you feel safe with this person? Do they have your back and when you're younger, I mean, people have gratuitous sex all the time. And they're experimenting. So that's a little bit different. And at the same time, when you're older, you kind of know what to want. And if you haven't had sex for a while, sometimes that just turns on something in your brain. And you're like, Wow, I feel valued again. So it depends on where you were at with an attractive and desire only sex in a long time. loveless marriage, go meet someone at a bar. And if you feel safe, you know, use protection, I'm always about that we're in COVID times are a mask. But I just think that does create a bond and I think have a sexual connection with someone in a relationship. It's not going to last someone's going to go find it elsewhere. There's no hard and fast. So you want to make sure that the time is right for the both of you. And I always go back to how does the person make you feel? You know, when someone makes you feel good, you know, when someone makes you feel safe? And when the times can be right.Joelly Goodson :
Okay, good. You mentioned COVID I think we have to talk about COVID, obviously, because the whole world has changed and business has changed. And I have no doubt that the dating world has changed and your world has changed. So how has COVID affected your business? And then how has COVID also affected the dating world? Well, I think what COVID done for everyone now is recognize that humans and relationships and love is one of the things that's more needed than ever. If you've been isolated and alone and without loving your house, you know whether it's another person or a family member, or even a pet, like it's really lonely. So what it's done is it's heightened the importance of love and relationships. I think when COVID For all I know when COVID first happened, I think everyone was in shock. The world just sort of stopped for everyone. And I'm like, Oh my God, what's going to happen and then as you start to navigate the new normal, which is what happens you start to adapt your business zoom what we're doing now this technology is become new. And that's happened for dates like people are talking on the phone war. I'm all about stop the texting, get on the telephone, hear the voice. So COVID It has enhanced the need for love and relationships and heightened importance on it. The beginning it was shocking. Everything really changed. You couldn't meet people, whatever, everything kind of shut down. We didn't know we're like blown over and didn't know what was happening. And then we had to learn how to navigate. Yeah, so now we're navigating this new reality. And it's placed an importance I mean, online dating has exploded, there's no barrier to entry. It's also exploited the needs with some people who may not be happy in the relationship at home. So they might be dabbling online, too. So it's created all of these different things, but at the end of the day to answer your question, it's heightened the importance of love and relationships in our lives and people don't want to be alone. They want to be with other people and they want to be with the right person to you because a bad relationship is very harmful to someone. So you want to be with a good person, a good relationship who has your back and you're better together. Our business is good. This is our busy season now to like September sort of like back to reality through to like people want someone for the holidays or whatever store the entire industry offline and online, there's been an importance to it. So a lot of people are having their best years for sure. We were lucky, because in Vancouver, Alberta is different too. But we do phone calls, we would do zoom, but we do a lot of outdoor stuff. So even when we were in lockdown, I mean, Western Canada and Vancouver and parts of Alberta are this Vancouver's a sporty city in Canada. So I get people outdoors. And it's not like it's minus 30 degrees. So we had an advantage, we would set up dates outdoors, there was social distancing. But yes, you had to have your mask. So that was different. And then when someone felt comfortable, they would bring people in that way. And then when we were in full on lockdown, there were no restaurant, there was no nothing. So it was on the phone, and it was on Zoom. And then again, when I'm not joking about giving good phone and giving good zoom, because you have to make an effort on the Zoom to look good. And you have to have you know, an effort and a telephone and get those skills, the communication skills have improved and enhance, Can you give some tips on how to give good zoom. We want to make sure that you look good from the waist on up and don't stand up. If you're in your boxers. I mean, we've all heard like crazy things online. But make an effort just like with your photos to look good wear something that makes you feel good. And you actually have to really be present something that irritates me too. When I'm on the phone, you need to be not distracted. So when I'm on zoom with someone, or I'm on a phone call when someone else is like running or loading the dishwasher, or doing something else that's beyond irritating, so you want to really be present in Or you're on the phone and you hear the keyboard.Sue Semeniw:
Yeah,yeah, stuff like that. So just give the other person, be present. And that's one of the key tips for dating to on a first date, really focus your attention on the other person, and really try to listen and get to know more about them, and then just build on momentum on that.Joelly Goodson :
That's amazing advice. So before we go, I do want to touch on another subject when you're matching people and people come to see you. Do you match based on socio economic data when seek status? I mean, do people make the same incomes? Because I guess I would. So again, I'm going back to the Millionaire Matchmaker, and I could be way off here. But does it matter how much the prospects make? And then the other part of that is how do you weed out because if I'm someone, let's say I'm a millionaire, and I'm coming to you, and I'm, you know, I'm super busy, because I'm running this corporation, and I got this going on a how do I make sure that whoever you're setting up with isn't just someone who's looking for and I heard this term from a woman and I didn't know what it meant a big whale, you've heard that expression. Expression I had no idea would have met and then I was horrified when I found out how does money play into dating because I think it's like sex. It's sort of this taboo subject. So I'm curious to get your point of view and your advice? Well, I think going forward in a relationship, you need to be on the same financial page. And if you are divorced, a lot of people do maintain separate asset bases when they're older, or they have an arrangement and understanding and finances create tension. So that gets back to communication for sure. So women always come in, they want their guy to be at parity with them or more they want equal or above. And women today are starting to surpass men. And so what's going to happen is there's going to be more mixed unions, that black population, the women are some of the most educated with master's and advanced degrees, more so than the men and the gap is quite substantial. So if a woman wants to date within her own ethnicity, she has to be open to what her guy may look like. And he may not be at that level, but he's a really good person, he makes her feel great. He could be a trades person, and he has her back. So you try to ascertain that way, a lot of millionaire women may not match up again, because they want a guy that has a huge asset base of you know, $10 million dollars. And that doesn't necessarily equate to happiness. I'm like, sometimes be careful what you wish for. So I tried to educate women about the gaps that may exist about education. And there's a gap that starts actually at certain colleges and universities where women are now are surpassing men. So you have to think about what am I looking for in what do I value in a relationship going forward. And there's been lots of studies as well with some of the top CEOs that are women in Fortune 500 companies, they're looking for a man that may not be at their level, he's still educated, like you want to converse, you want to have a good conversation. So education can play a role. But I try to steer women away with a really high net worth just about looking at the financial parody, because that's not going to equate to a good relationship. We talked about preferences, you know, what are your deal breakers? What are your common values that are really good? And I educate like another thing too, just about the finance and someone arbitrarily comes in and say, Well, I want a net worth of$5 million. I want an income of 250,000 I'm like you actually know like in their partner, You mean they come in and request that?Unknown:
Yes up. Joelly. Sometimes people come in looking for point 00 1% of the profit Oh my god, I educate on statistics and stuff like that just like the six foot tall guy. So that's not going to equate to happiness. So women, for the most part want that equality or more and men very high net worth men. No one wants stupid everyone like smart, but they look for how someone makes them feel. So it's very unusual that a guy will come in on the top of his list is like the financial success of the woman he wants someone who might share interests, of course he's attracted to, she may not be at his same level, he just wants a good person. It depends on what stage of life you're in, as well as you want to have kids, you do not want to have kids. So there's a whole bunch of different factors, people have different things that they value, like everyone's different. And you talk about the big whale, sometimes the big whale wants the little minnow so she looks good. Try not to be judgmental, I just tried to educate for success on relationships, people and unions are surprising. And there's more mixes of everything like mix unions are on the rise in Canada. So I'm like Be aware of your market. And who's there Vancouver has the highest mixing unions in all of Canada, Canadians are very progressive. So don't make assumptions about someone ethnicity, their religious beliefs, like really get to know them. And that's when the magic will do behind there. Because people that are born here from another country, that's your heritage, but that doesn't define who you are, you know, we're all Canadian. So there's all of these things that are moving and migrating in dating, and a lot of it is supply and demand and like know your market, know what people like to do in your market, Vancouver being very activity and outdoorsy days, we're not going to sit around and have cocktails, for the most part for hours, like people are going to be doing stuff outside. So join something where you could find like minded people.Joelly Goodson :
That's great advice. And it made me think of another question. Being a mother of a LGBTQ community child, do you also match make same sex couples? Yep, I had someone before who was trying to navigate that area. And there are specialty matchmakers that do that I'm not as well versed. As someone who just focuses on that community, I do collaborate, I'm always trying to learn. To me people are people and Vancouver is such a progressive and open minded city. And that's a big part of our community. And there's a lot of successful professionals. So we've taken clients on in that demographic, and we do the same thing to find them love. So there's just a lot more acceptance all around of all of our special nuances. And you can find an app or a matchmaker that specializes in any particular niche or demographic. So that gets back to branding matters, you know. And you know, for sure finding your niche. Absolutely. That's what it's all about oneUnknown:
There's a book that I think that's really important for people to read, which often adds a lot a lot of insight into their dating patterns.It's called the Attached by Dr. Amir Levine. And there's different attachment styles. So when avoidant person who's always looking for real reasons to fail, there's an anxious personality type. And there's a secure type, which is only like 60%. And there's all of these different types cross pollinating. And I think that's just a really good book that offers insights into dating behavioral patterns, and why things may work, and why people sometimes repel each other or conflict resolution as well, too. So with dating and relationships, you want to make a commitment to making this work. And you want to have a natural default that you're going to be proactive and give something a really good shot because you can generally meet someone anywhere, but you're not going to be meeting them by being passive.Joelly Goodson :
I agree. You have to put as much work into your dating life as you do in your business life. Well, oh my god, this has been so enlightening and fun. Thank you for taking the time to talk with me is so nice to see your beautiful face. If people want to learn more about you and about your business, how what's the best way for them to get ahold you are you on social media,Unknown:
The best way to get a hold of us is to go to our website, which is Divinematchmaking.com. So di vi ne matchmaking.com And there's a button that says Get started now and you can just do like a quick input. There's also a phone number that you can call.Joelly Goodson :
That's great. And so I didn't ask you this, but you have clients all over Canada or just Vancouver or Western Canada?Unknown:
So our headquarters in Vancouver, we work in Calgary and Edmonton as well and Toronto, and we've done client searches in other major cities in the States. So the way that a good matchmaker works in the way that we work to is that we collaborate with other people I bring people in that are always while connected, but our strength is Western Canada, Toronto, you know, our home base, we've been in Vancouver the longest and they've expanded to other markets, and matchmakers will have a network of other people that they can always do a search for throughout North America,Joelly Goodson :
Like real estate agents?Unknown:
It's a collaborative business. And if I can't do a good job with someone or someone in our team, I'm always happy to refer out to someone else exactly like real estate agents. Great analogy Joelly!Joelly Goodson :
Not just another pretty face,Sue Semeniw:
You know it!Joelly Goodson :
Well, thank you so much.It was great to chat with you. And I hope that we will get to see each other in person real soon. Maybe next time I'm in Vancouver or you're in Calgary, we can get together.Unknown:
Great. And Joelly I'm so impressed. Again, I'm going to say about the different businesses that you've achieved success with and you are a role model to other women. And you're also very collaborative. And I love that you love to showcase and highlight other people. So kudos to you.Joelly Goodson :
Aww thanks, honey. I really appreciate it. Okay, well, big hugs. And we'll talk again soon.Sue Semeniw:
Thank you for having me as a guest on Branding Matters.Joelly Goodson :
Okay, bye. And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed the conversation and maybe learned a few things to help you with your branding. But most of all, I hope you had some fun. This show is a work in progress. So please remember to rate and review on whatever platform you listen to podcasts. And if you want to learn more about me and what I do to help my clients with their branding, feel free to reach out to me on any of the social channels under you guessed it, branding, bad branding matters was produced, edited and hosted by Joelly. Goodson awesome. So thanks again and until next time, here's to all you badass is out there.